Just my luck to discover that all those years of mocking God and the Devil paid off, and for my sins I’m being kept alive to stew just that little longer.

FYI, f*ck you both if that’s the case.

To my future children…

As my experiences with women continue, I can only assume one of two outcomes may prevail in the near to distant future…

I turn gay and adopt.

Or, I lobotimise the right woman on the first date