Balls deep in sheep…

Sky is black, night wraps itself round me like a blanket and all I hear is silence,

Silence on the breeze,
Silence in the trees,
Silence with the eternal promise to be free.

No clouds blotting out the stars, wherever they are,
No mist in the meadows so I can see afar,
No thoughts leading me astray as I take in natures highway.

The birds lie hidden,unaware of the beauty of the moon,
yet it never comes too soon.

The insects scurry about, duty bound by an instinct long forgotten keeping them a ground.

Shadows cast long and far range from cloudy grey to royal blue though you’d never know,
their magnificence corrupted by the night.
Perspective fades, surrounded by the ‘now’, never the how or the why.

And out on the plains the wind dances with itself, no partner for a friend,
No lover leading by the hand, no romance in sight but the long dark of night.

“Will you be my friend, join me to the end” it whispers to itself.
Come take a seat, here by my side, just promise to be quiet as I hold you tight.

Share the night, and lets see what we shall see,
feel free to feel what we are to feel as we become the meal.

Mosquoto’s form a queue, buzzing with desire,
helping themselves to all that they require.

A nibble here, a nibble there, selfish with their needs as we lie freshly prepared,
the starter and the main, the buffet and dessert as the feast begins.

Picking at their meal they tease with every bite,
savouring the moment always eager to avoid the fight.

Like thieves in the night and as elusive as the sound they make,
buzzing to and fro we strain to focus, eyes squinting but to no avail.

Flailing wildly we lash out, grappling with the dark,
one minute maybe two pass before our hopes are shattered once more,
the silence broken as we await the impending attack, ambushed by a need to survive,
misunderstood for all it’s intent, despised by all for what it’s worth.

My nemesis returns, my taste fresh on it’s lips,
my blood fuelling it’s assault, the circle now complete as I become the meat.

The Messiah to my new disciples and followers as we tread wearily along the path of life.
The game continues long and far till one departs this mortal coil.

Rain or shine, night or day  and I have become the meal.
Sustenance to it’s chain to which I’ve unknowingly become a link in.

As my mind wanders, restless in it’s plight,
spiralling into oblivion as my fears come alive.
Worries spew forth, anxious of the unknown,
unforgiving as they build a wall to which I can no longer climb.

Trapped, a prisoner to my psyche as the walls close in around me.
Brick by brick I’m surrounded by myself,
peering in from the wasteland of my mind like an observer,
rubber necking the car crash of my night as the medics fail to respond.

Front row seats to the Cinema of life as the credits begin to roll,
the soundtrack plays out like a bad 80’s music video,
the background a poster of all I was, the good and the bad of someone I no longer recognise.

The audience patiently await as the intro sets the scene.
The screen now alive as all manner of wicked thoughts run free.
Spilling forth, raw uncontrolled as the anarchy is unleashed.

Like an old friend I welcome it in, adding it to my network,
A Candy Crush wannabe with a history.
Never to speak yet always present, never to comment, never a share but aware of all that I do.

Time stands still in the Theater of Dreams, so it seems as life rolls on regardless.
Only in our minds do we rest,
Only once in life will we truly ever rest and we pray that day is ever far from grasp.

Forever bound to fight with the unknown.
Each night never repeating.

Unpatient whispers in the crowd as a thousand Sheep now watch on,
popcorn fills the air as the Wolf he sits and stares,
sipping on his coke, and taking in the show,
oblivious, unaware.

Not a care in the world, that big bag of f*cks never to be found,
probably with the Duck, thankfully now safe and sound as they need to be,
after all, they can never be given free.

Jumping through hoops, obstacles come and go,
navigating the sh*t we’ve all come to know,
on with the show…

Balls deep in Sheep with nothing left to do,
emotionally detached by a sense of who what and where as all we do is stare with the Wolf,
waiting for the dawn to break, the birds to sing and the Sun to shape the day.

Each better than the last, fading fast as we reset the past once more.

Format brain, come again,
rewind the mind, don’t be kind,
reset the game, have no shame,
have no regret, help forget.

Best we live in the light than dwell in the dark for time matters not,
the state but an illusion of the senses.
Dreams come and go, some not all,
Some we win, some watch us fall.
Some lift us high, some never end.
Some tease us as a lover, some as a friend,
sometimes the nightmare just never ends.

Relentlessly we fight with all our might till something better comes in sight.
Leaching of our unrest, feeding off our pain.
Vampires of the mind, bleeding us dry,
praying for the dawn to be free of the restraint,
welcoming our senses as we patiently awake from the dark.

The dark hides many secrets, some we long to explore,
at times it rapes our mind, deliciously unkind as our sin takes control,
tying us down, has it’s fill and uses us as it wills,
consumes us whole as we lose ourselves, never wanting to leave us alone.

We beg for mercy.
We beg for more.
We beg for all it wants and pray it never ends,
A victim to our needs, our secret need to feed,
devouring us all, every single inch and always coming back for more.

Help yourself to all I am, all I want and all you need,
come plant your seeds, corrupt my mind and don’t be shy.
Selfishly make me yours for the night will be long and hard,
pray we never wake, come the day, come the night,
make me your delight.

Make me sweat, be forever in your debt,
a slave to your whim, the missing piece in your depraved game.

Be my master, break me into pieces, forgive me for I WILL sin, again and again.
Your Dungeon, my Church, make me pray as you play, make me worship you for all you are as you drain me of all fight.

Discipline my mind and punish me for all that I dream of for in the night no one hears our screams.

Then repent, on your knees, ever eager to always appease.
Just a pawn to my will, you serve as I wish.
Your masterly guise, under my spell and you know it well.

Delicious in the feast you’ve become, our body and mind one,
entwined as we spiral out of control as the wall comes crashing down.
Passion rages wild, the dream/reality now both confused.

Boundaries burn bright as we lose our senses to the night,
a dream within a dream.
A prisoner to the divine, willing to embrace the sentence and do the time.

Solitary confinement, just another picnic for one.
Invisible sandwiches which were made by candlelight in just another padded room.

Sat sitting on the grass despite the sign, staring at a clock, alien to time,
Where no one cares, no one dares ever give a f*ck, says the Duck for they are never free,
You have a problem with that, see me.

Buy one and get one free,
see me, and the sale begins.
Buy three and your a f*ck short of a set, so always buy more.
A f*ck or four will do, five is nice,
six, three twice and you’re well on your way,
some would say.

No idea why?

Why not, tis a dream is it not and time always runs out,
We wake all the same, never knowing all our minds did or didn’t do, except you…

You are true.

 

Simon A.Rawicz – 30/09/2016

 

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